Self Esteem

I've been debating on if I was ready to share my thoughts about self esteem with you guys. Because honestly I really have a hard time with this. But then I realized the whole point of this blog is to be REAL and not sugar coat things. I want to inspire and help others and being REAL is the only way to do that.

So let me just start by saying that I think MY weight affects me every single day. It determines the way I treat others, how others treat me and how I live my life. When I'm overweight I feel like I'm in a shell and don't want to come out. Do I have a great husband? Yes. Do I have a job I enjoy? Yes. Has God blessed my family beyond anything I deserve? Yes. Do I love myself and feel worthy of others love when I'm overweight? No.

When I started writing this blog I had stopped taking care of myself. Sure I got dressed and pretended to be happy when I had to but deep down I hated myself. I was so embarrassed of the weight I had gained that I didn't even want to go spend time with friends. I just wanted to be at home in my pajamas and not see or talk to anyone. I stopped posting ANY pictures of myself on Facebook because I didn't want people to know what a failure I was for gaining such a tremendous amount of weight.

One night I woke up at like three in the morning. I went to the bathroom, sat on the floor and just cried like a baby. This sounds so vein but I prayed that God would please just give me the strength to get this weight off. I told him I hated myself and was so tired of feeling inferior. I was tired of trying to go above and beyond to get
people to like me because I didn't like me. I literally sat there and cried for thirty minutes.

Right now I have tears in my eyes typing this because it is something I have struggled with for so many years. If you've never been overweight then it probably makes no sense but if you have you understand exactly what I'm talking about. This sounds crazy but I promise it's like I heard God say, "You only have to please me." After that I had a peace come over me like nothing I've ever felt. I knew that God was going to help me but I had to put my all into it and glorify him through it.

Now you may be thinking, God doesn't care about what people weigh and you've lost you're mind. But guys actually it does matter to him. Now let me back that by saying God loves you wether you are a size 16 or 6 and the number on a scale could NEVER change that!! But it truly is God's will that we take care of our bodies and live a happy life.

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Aganist such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Since that night I have felt alive and with each pound I lose I am finding myself again. I am watching what I eat, exercising and taking care of myself.  Am I perfect? No way but I'm taking it a day at the time. If the entire reason for this journey was to help just one person that really needed to read this then it was a success.

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.
-Author unknown