You're NOT Good Enough #WIW

Every once in a while, say a couple times a year, I get in this...
I'm tired, don't care, can't shake it, everybody is driving me insane, don't talk to me, I'm angry but don't know why, I want to cry, I'm so confused, just let me stay in bed, it wouldn't bother me if I was all alone, sad mood!!

It usually will last for a couple weeks and then I'm good. While it's happening though, I feel like I can't control it and nothing I do will shake it. I literally have to make myself be nice, get up out of bed, dress, and "fake it till I make it"!! I have no clue when it's going to happen or the reason why. Stupid? Random depression? Hormones? I really can't decide. All I know, is that I either want to curl up in a ball and cry, or just disappear.

Go ahead and ask. I know what you're thinking. Is it "that time" or getting close to "that time," because that's a little nuts!? I wish I had an excuse like that, but NOPE I just get like that sometimes.

Have you ever heard someone say that we "take it out" on those we love most? Ummm...yeah about that. It's so true!! During my "mood" my poor hubbie gets to deal with everything I've held in all day, week, month, whatever. I save my niceness for everyone else. Now don't get me wrong, he's not perfect, and he can really tick me off sometimes, but I know he doesn't deserve that. And, I'm sure he wishes I would snap out of whatever is wrong with me.

Let me just be real for a minute and tell you where in the world all of this is coming from...
My "mood" hit a couple weeks ago. I even typed up a blog post all about it. I recapped an entire weekend worth of the hubbie and I fighting caused by the grouchiness of yours truly. Thing is, I decided not to publish it, and ever since then it's been on my mind.
Why didn't I publish it?
Because after reading what I wrote, I was ashamed, really ashamed.

For days after reading my post I kept thinking to myself...
"And you're the one telling everybody to be kind, love one another, and trust in God!! Really?!?! You've been treating your husband like crap and thinking mean thoughts about everyone. YOU, my dear, have no room to try and encourage or uplift anyone. You're not even a nice person! Girl, you're FARRRR from being someone worth looking up to! Why even try?"

Y'all I couldn't pull myself back up. As each day rolled by I began to doubt myself, my relationship with God, my decision to start a blog, my ability to be friends with others, and the chance of ever being able to reach my weight loss goal.

It wasn't until I finally opened my devotional one morning at the end of last week, that I understood what was happening to me. I kid you not, the first sentence said...
One of the enemy's tactics is to isolate people, to cut them off from fellowship with one another, to convenience them that they are alone and no one really cares about them.

After reading that, I didn't cry. I didn't move. I just sat there. I sat there at 6:15 in the morning overwhelmed by the words I had just read. I mean, was it or is it possible that could be what was happening to me? Surely not.

As the day went on something hit me though...
God uses nobody's. King David was a shepherd boy. Mary was a young teenage girl. So maybe, just maybe he was using me to help someone and satan knew it.

Ya'll I may be right or I may be way off base, but my conclusion to the past couple weeks is this...
I am 100% human and I make tons of mistakes. At times, I can think mean thoughts and treat people badly. And, if you're friends with me, I can promise you one thing. At some point I will let you down. BUT, I know someone who never will AND He uses the most unlikely of people to accomplish his will. So, when I start feeling sad, lonely, or ashamed, talking to him is the only answer I can think of that will actually work.

Even though today is weigh in Wednesday, when I woke up I did not go jump on the scale. When I woke up I started my new habit of saying...

"God let me be of good courage, strengthen my heart, and let me be strong enough to make a difference." 

It's been 2 weeks and I'm down 2.6 pounds for a total of 57.8 gone. Hope this encourages someone out there, because if I can do it you can too!