How My Life Is Changing

Several months ago I typed up a blog post in the notes section of my phone. I thought about posting it but changed my mind. I figured if I let other people know how I truly felt they would think I was nuts. Today I was deleting old notes and stumbled across it...

My Random Craziness

Do you ever feel like, "Is this all that life is?" I mean, I know that God is always with us and that he's the everything we need but sometimes I just feel a little void. Yes, I'm a Christian and yes I have a great husband, friends and family but lately I've just felt like something is missing. I know that sounds insane, and it's kind of hard to explain, but I can't mask or forget that the feeling is there.

I go to work, do my best and, for the most part, my days go okay. I exercise and diet. I pray and try to be kind to others, but something is missing. I just feel blah. I have no idea what's wrong with me. And I'm really not sure if I'm crazy or if other people feel this way at times too?!

I want to understand it, but honestly I don't even know what's wrong. Anytime I think about it tears fill my eyes. I feel lost and I'm constantly thinking of plans to make it better. Thing is, I just really don't know if my "plans" will make the feeling go away or just mask them for awhile.

I just want to be happy!!

After reading that note something hit me and I finally realized what was wrong all those months ago. I wanted a different me. No one else needed to change. Just me! Thing is, if you've been one way for a really long time where do you even begin?You don't magically become someone else overnight and wake up happy the next morning.

I know that there are certain situations that must change for someone to be happy, but I didn't have a "situation" to get rid of. I just needed to love myself again. I needed to stop looking at everyone else's lives and start loving and living my own. I was trapped in my own body and was looking for every possible way to make it better. I was searching for different surroundings to solve all my problems.

This past weekend we were busy every. single. night. Friday we went to my hubbies Christmas party. He analyzes farm loans so the party was no where other than...

on a farm. 

The tractors were actually moved out of the massive metal building where the party was held. It was so cool, the couple who hosted it had a BEAUTIFUL home, I met lots of new friends and we didn't get home until like 3:45 in the morning. Saturday we had my Daddy's Golden family Christmas and got to see family I haven't seen in years. That night we went on a double date with my brother to dinner and a movie, and Sunday all my family came to church to see my little sister sing in the children's Christmas play. It was a busy but FUN weekend! 

My old room at my parent's house-
Thursday night I helped my Mama with a Senior Adult Christmas party at her house. I truly enjoyed every minute of it. Being with my Mama and helping her made me smile. Towards the end Chris and I took my little sister to her middle school band concert...I enjoyed it too!! I feel like a new me guys and I'm loving my life again!!

Sunday night after the Christmas play-
Sarah (cousin/workout buddy), Taddies (AKA Taylor/sister), KK (AKA Cayden/cousin) and  happy me!! 

Use to I would have dreaded a weekend like that and would be counting down the minutes for it to all to be over. All I liked to do was stay home, watch movies and never leave my comfort zone. Why? I didn't like being seen by people and I had a million bad things about myself going on in my brain. It's sad but I'm not kidding!

LATELY I am living life again. I feel good about myself and I like to get dressed, look pretty and socialize. I enjoy meeting new people and it's actually okay if I'm not trying to make everyone around me happy because...

I'm Happy!! 

Taylor sang this song with a group of girls in the play. I LOVE it and have been replaying it over and over on my way to and from work.